im so sorry that i havent been on. i have my reasons why i wasnt, which ill explain below. thank you guys for having patience, and i want to just let everyone know that ill start drawing and posting more stuff soon, as soon as i fix my scanner, and that ill also be more active now. :]
so here's what prevented me from coming online:
well, in the summertime, i stayed up alot all night. and played video games. i didnt have to attend school, even when it came back, because of my health problems a doctor lets me do it at home, so i didnt have any reason to go to sleep on a schedule. i didnt realize it, but that was a particularly bad decision one night. i had stayed up for 2 days straight, then played video games for a few hours, with all of the flashing lights and noise, and then taken my medication, and fallen asleep. then all i can remember, is me waking up to my mother standing over me, asking if i was alright, and if she should call 911. and then she picked up my arm, which was just dangling over the couch, where i have to sleep because my bed makes my back hurt too bad. as soon as she picked it up, i screamed. it hurt like the worst pain ive ever been in in my life intensified 100 fold. i couldnt exactly pinpoint where it hurt the worst, but i knew it was my left arm. i was still screaming, crying, because i was woken up disoreinted and dizzy and in pain, which confused me because i didnt understand what was happening. and when my dad heard my screams, he ran in there. now, my dad is in chronic, debilitating pain every single moment of every single day, that causes him to have to have help with even the simplest of tasks. he can barely move as it was. and to add onto all of that, he's on oxygen because one of his lungs is partially paralyzed. but hearing me scream at the top of my lungs, he just ran in there with absolutely no oxygen at all, and not worrying about his own health, asked me if i was ok, and where did it hurt, and what happened. i was still extremely disoreinted and didnt understand all of what was going on, but i then realized what i was doing to him. i was getting him worried, running up his blood pressure, and heart beat causing him to not be able to breathe and forget his oxygen and have his back go out on him while he was running in there to make sure i was ok with no regard for himself. so me being the way i am, i told him i was ok, and that he needed to go sit down, and put his oxygen back on. finally he listened to me, and went back into his room to sit down and get air. as soon as he left though, i broke down. knowing what i had just caused him to do, that tore out my heart. and i was in so much pain, that being tough was nothing to worry about. so i cried. i didnt scream, i stopped that because my dad would be even more worried. but i cried. and my mom asked if we should call 911 but i said no, letting vanity get the better of me. i mean, my hair was a wreck, i hadnt slept in 2 days, my eyes were red from crying. so i took some pain meds, which without those, i wouldnt be able to sleep, and slept. i woke up later, having slept terribly, and got in the shower. i couldnt move my arm much, and when i did, it was excruciating pain. so, i couldnt shower without help, which i got from my mother. she stayed with me in that shower, and helped me all the way through it. thats good parenting. so we went to the ER, where we sat for at least 3 hours. finally they got me a room, and we went back. i told them what happened, and they took their sweet time doing anything. they put an iv in. and then they sent me off for an x-ray of my left shoulder and arm. i came back and got as comfortable as i could get at that moment, and the waiting ensued. so they finally came back with copies of the x-rays and pulled them up on the computer. they showed me where my shoulder had popped completely out of the socket. they then got a bunch of people in there, gave me some pain meds, and i fell asleep. when i woke up i felt instantly better. not because i wasnt doped up anymore, but because i felt my arm being back where it was supposed to be, and it was supported in a sling. they drew some blood (it was funny because they had to get the guy to come down from the lab to do it, because nobody could get any blood out of my arms. and even he said that i was the most difficult to draw blood from in a few years.), gave me more meds and a prescription, and sent us on our way. i went home and went to sleep. so all that happened that time was the tendons and ligaments attached to the bone there that keeps your ball in socket, stretched. and after physical therapy it fixed it. so anyways, after that i got a previous back doctor to send me to a pain management doctor. the same one who is my mom's. and he told me that about my back the best course of action would be to prescribe me some tramadol, and give me a quartizone shot in my spine. so he gave me the shot in my spine, in the joint that is near the sciatic nerves, and i felt him hit the nerve, because i felt a sharp shooting pain to my foot. that made me shout because you cant exactly be quiet when you feel that. so after the shot, my back felt infinately better. it did wonders for my back. so just as i got my hopes up about doing some things around the house, something else just had to go wrong. i stayed up all night again, played video games, took my meds, and fell asleep with the tv on and loud. i had another seizure. my mom came in there and knew not to shake me or touch me, and i woke up, disoreinted and dizzy. she told me i had another seizure, and that she knew because she heard a sucking noise, like gasping for air, and she went to go check on what it was and saw me having another seizure. thank heavens for parents who check on something when it doesnt sound right. i felt my shoulder hurting, and thats when i knew. a second dislocation. i wasnt about to go and sit in an emergency room for 3 hours again for them to take forever to see me and give me pain meds, and then telling me what i already know. so anyways, to solve the problem, i went into the hallway, and ran my shoulder up against the wall. which when i told people, they didnt believe me, but it happened. ask my mom, she watched. and basically i knew that as bad as my arm was hurting right then, it would hurt worse to run up against a wall, but then i wouldnt be in nearly as much pain afterwards. so thats what i did, i popped it back in. anyways, then my mom called my sports medicine doctor, and explained what happened, and then he got me in as soon as he could. so i went there, and he checked it, and ordered an MRI with contrast of it. he said that usually they dont come out again. and only in 20% of cases does it come out again. of course, with luck like mine, i had to be one of those people. so come time for the MRI, i got to take a valium, which the doctor ordered, because i cant be inside a small tube like that for long with my claustrophobia. so i put on the gown, and they took initial x-rays. then i laid down on a table where they put this thing that showed my shoulder on a screen and the guy who would be putting in the contrast came in. he cleaned up the area, and then numbed the area. i wasnt supposed to watch, but it looked pretty cool. so i got to see him put this big ass needle in my shoulder, and i saw it on the screen being aligned with my shoulder joint. i felt it hit the joint. so then i put my clothes back on and sat in the waiting room for them to call me back for the MRI. the valium i felt was wearing off, and that made me pissed off, because i had to get this MRI before that happened. we sat there for at LEAST 30 minutes. thats so stupid, because that was longer than the MRI took. we got a cd and left. finally it came time for the follow up with the doctor to review the results. it was really early in the morning, and i thought it would be a waste of time because my shoulder felt fine, and i could move it all around. and it only hurt when i moved it certain ways, or when i did something repetitively. so the doctor finally came in and sat down, asked how i was feeling, how my arm felt, and pulled the MRI up on the computer screen. then he dropped the bomb. he said, "we have a problem. you seem to have torn all of your tendons and ligaments off of the bone near the ball and socket." i tried not to look at the screen, because every time i did, i was psyching myself out, and my brain was making my arm hurt. so now i need surgery. which i will be having, FRIDAY the 26th, at 6:00am. so you see, all of this has slowed my life down quite a bit. and ive been unable to sit at the computer and do anything. but, my parents just bought me a laptop, for which i am very grateful, and now i can be on as long and as often as possible, while hurting as little and minimal as probable.
so thank you guys, for being patient. and if you have read this far, i applaud you.
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